New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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