He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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