my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
