wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
