shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize