Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
