This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize