You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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