It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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