Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
