I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
