I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
