Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
