accomplished twins. life is a go
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
