im six kinds of drunk right now
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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