When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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