I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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