I heard we made out
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
