I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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