whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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