Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
