yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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