she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
