I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
