I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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