Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
