I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
