I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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