There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
