we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
