TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
