You made me cry and you don't even care
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
