you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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