she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You're a disaster
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