I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
