I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
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What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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