i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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