i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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