That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
