just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
