there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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