It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
