FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize