since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
