how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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