It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Boobs speak an international language.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
