my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
