Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
