Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
