Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
