I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
