I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
