i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
