I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and she was petting her beer can
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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