I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
