Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
