I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
