y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
