Will you blow on my dice?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
