girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
