drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
