Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
