there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
