Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
