Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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