Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize