i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
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That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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