My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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