just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
