I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
