So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
its liver damage thursday
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